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Honorable mention this morning.
Gabby posted a status on facebook last night that said "Nobody messes with Shelby Lastname. Nobody." Hurr (: Many people liked it and it made me happy. I felt like I have support. Thank you Kelsi, father, Fluffy, and Brantley for liking it. xD The little things make me happy I suppose.
Anywho.
It's 9/11 today. I'm too young to remember it, but it still gets me all choked up to think about it. It's been 10 years since a whole new America surfaced. America's been at war since I can remember and I can't wait to see a wr-free America.. someday. :B
I feel a lot better today. I'm not sure why, but I just do. I'm very grateful for it. <3

18. Rainbow
Rainbows... Oh, how I love rainbows. <3 They symbolize hope for me.
I know rainbows tend to mean something other than hope these days, which means I have to keep fairly quiet about my love for them. :B
Ah, well.

Have you forgotten how it felt that day?
To see your homeland under fire
And her people blown away

Writer's Block: 9/11

Where were you?


I don't remember it because I was too young, but according to mother I was getting ready for preschool. God bless America. v.v

me llamo esperanza

So LJ.
I'm alright.
I'm really not exactly at my best but, that's a buttload better than .. bad.
Idk.
I'm going to go fishin with Preston Saturday :3. That should be an adventure...
I've lost my will, which is a dangerous thing to lose. I don't feel like doing anything at all. I just want to lay down and stare at the ceiling. I don't know why I feel like this.
Btw, the reasoning behind my pictures is because if I really just can't explain how I feel, a picture usually can.

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LJ GUESS WHAT.
I go out with Preston.
Was that predictable?! I didn't flippin predict it. Jesusness.
I'm happy about it.
(:

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im gonna wake up missing you..

I'm sorry for the umpteenth time that I abuse you.
But.
Ok.
I've just been bummed lately. I'm not sure why. I think I'm just sleep-deprived or something of that nature. I'm loaded down with homework and social obligations. :l
Wesley got some huggge hickeys from Journi (which I find disgusting). He's a manslut but I love the kid.
Hunter got Cheyenne pregnant and I'm so not suprised xD. I was suprised to find out that Cheyenne has a missing eye though. o.0 How did I not know this?
Brantley was bragging about the size of his manparts today. So I won't be talking to him any time soon.
Me and Shackleford sit together on the bus now. :B
Otherwise my life's pretty boring.
Oh, some kid on the bus said he'd pay me 6 dollars to touch my boob. ._. society.
There's two reasons that I think are behind my lack of happiness....
1. My dad. We just fight every day and it sucks. Sometimes I really just hate him and then I realize I don't have enough time to resent him.. It's a really sticky situation and it's stressing me out.
2. I've been neglecting my prayer life and I'm feeling guilty about it..

*sigh*
Sorry for the family tangent. It was weird. I didn't mean for it to happen it just sorta did. :B I'm in a better mood now I guess.
Something weird happened. Katie unblocked me from facebook o.0. Why? Idk. No matter what, I can never be friends with her again. I can be friends with almost anyone else. But not her. This is how much I don't like her. She'd better not text me or talk to me at school. It may prompt me to say some un-Christian things ._.
Here's something predictable. Brantley's all up in my business again. And he has a girlfriend this time. Well, he's says he debating about her. ALSO, Preston misses little miss Kenzie. Who saw thaaat one coming? xD Shelby did. I love him considerabley less when he's single I've found.

Hey whaddya know?
Theme.
17. Blood
Idk where to go with this one.
Oh hey.
Once me kate and gabby wanted to become blood sisters.
But we're too chicken to cut ourselves so we did something else which I refuse to speak of. (:
So blegh. Hi.
My life is kinda suckish atm. I'm just kinda in a rut I guess. I'm stressed because I'm so busy and frustrated because I can't get everything done. ._. A vicious cycle. Not much has happened except that I went to Kate's house and had three not-romances. That's always flipping fun.
At Kate's we didnt' really do much except for make cards for our friend Kailyn who was in a car accident and ride around in the gator.
My father is the most argumentive man alive. I just want a normal life. I don't want my dad to be handicapped and in precarious health. I want my mom here. I want to see my brother on a regular basis. I miss him. I want my mom to be here whenever I need her. I want her to comfort me when I have nightmares just like she used to. I want to dance with my father at my wedding. I love him so much and I wish I knew he felt the same. I'm just never quite good enough, never quite smart enough. I don't have much time with him and the longer I deny that the harder it's going to be. I want us to be close but every time I think we're even a little bit better we have an explosive argument then go back to pretending everything's ok. Everyone in my family pretends to be ok. Idk what even possessed me to write this. Just frustration boling over.
No one is listening. They think this is normal?!? If this is normal I give up.
I'm sorry for ranting I know everyone has their own problems but it's just hard having to put up with the things I do. I need to vent to an actual someone soon. Maybe I can talk to Gabby or maybe Wesley soon. Idk. Maybe even my mother. Anyone who'll listen and take me seriously. A shorter list than I'd like to admit.

Tell the swine
We will make it out alive
There’s a note in the pages of a book
So sleep tonight
We’ll sleep dreamlessly this time
When we awake we’ll know that everything’s alright

Sing to me about the end of the world
End of these hammers and needles for you

Hold on to the world we all remember fighting for
There's still strength left in us yet
Hold on to the world we all remember dying for
There's still hope left in it yet

There's snow on your face
And your razor blade
The twilight is bruised
And there you lie

Sing to me about the end of the world
End of these hammers and needles for you
We’ll cry tonight
And in the morning we are new
Stand in the sun
We'll dry your eyes

Hold on to the world we all remember fighting for
There's still strength left in us yet
Hold on to the world we all remember dying for
There's still hope left in it yet

Sing, sing
Arise

Arise and be
All that you dreamed
All that you dreamed

(Hold on to the world we all remember fighting for)
Arise and be
All that you dreamed
All that you dreamed
(Hold on to the world we all remember fighting for)
Arise and be
All that you dreamed
All that you dreamed
(Hold on to the world we all remember fighting for)

Idk why but I really identify with this song atm. It sounds like what I'm going through. I have to have hope that the world I dream about is possible and that I'll ultimately be ok.

When we awake we’ll know that everything’s alright

Sing to me about the end of the world
End of these hammers and needles for you

Hold on to the world we all remember fighting for
There's still strength left in us yet
Hold on to the world we all remember dying for
There's still hope left in it yet

We’ll cry tonight
And in the morning we are new
Stand in the sun
We'll dry your eyes

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Writer's Block: Once upon a time…

What is the first line of your favorite book?


The primroses were over.

they dont have to understand you; be still

16.Questioning
Questioning is actually a bit of a weakness of mine. I tend to assume things rather than ask, which leads to many false premises. And it gets me in trouble. A lot.
I don't know why. I guess it's just in my nature to accept things for what they are, and if I have questions I answer them on my own just to soothe myself. xD Kind of dumb now that I'm writing it..But I am human after all. Here I go blaming it on my species.


Not much happened today. I'm still in a terrible mood.
But I thought this would be worth writing down.
Bizkit messaged me on facebook saying he was sorry. For everything. And he said he was turning over a new leaf. He posted a status saying the same thing and to comment on the status if you felt he needed to apoligize to you and he said he would send personal messages to those that he knew he had hurt.
Its weird.
Like.
VERY unlike him.
I wonder what happened.
Hmm. I'll find out. He's texting me right now.
But no matter what I'm not getting back with him, new leaf or not. I've finally... finally learned my lesson xD.

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