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Wow, why have I not written?! So much crap has happened. xD
I spent the entire week with Gabby and Kate. Mostly Gabby. And she told me something that meant a lot to me because I'm kind of self-consious about it. She said she felt closer to me than she did to Kate. I know that sounds petty. But I sort of always felt like I play second fiddle, even if I don't. Iunno, a teenage thing I guess. It felt good. I love Kate and Gabby so freaking much.


Brantley suprise visited and was all up in my grill flirting with me the whole time. I.. actually felt a little for him. Hormones purely. But he's just freaking charming, okay?! xD I didn't act upon my feelings, so don't worry.
I'm absolutely at my freaking limit with Preston. We've argued non-stop for the past 3 days because he has a new girlfriend. Kelly. Hey, if he wants to be a chubby-chaser, fine by me, go right on ahead. But I thought God wanted him to be single? Apparently not. Also, now he tells me that KATIE of all freaking people is his best friend apparently too. He's brung me to tears too many times. Heck, I'm in tears as I type this because he just hurts my feelings so bad. God it hurts. I haven't felt this bad in a long time. All I want is to feel okay again. I had such a good day until I got home and had to argue with him. I'll post a few of the latest messages, but there are too freaking many to post them all. I wish I could make him stop.

P:Why can't you just be happy in the fact that i love and can't replace you why do you have to get bent out of shape cause i have 2 bestfriends am i only supposed to have 1?

M:Im not bent out of shape because you have 2 im bent out of shape because you told me i was the only one.

P:I spent this week thinking about how you both mean alot to me i couldnt live without you or her i'm sorry your upset

M:leave me alone i really can't handle any freaking more of your bombs!

P:Shelby what the heck?!

M:You have hurt me so many freaking times this past month! i cant handle any more so please, for the sake of us both let me cool down before you tell me anything else that will break my heart!

P:Shelby...don't please i beg you

M:Leave. me. alone. i have enoug to deal with without you crushing me every other day! im dumping you. let me date this other chick. also, your position as best friend isnt only yours anymore. im literally at my limit. im a tolerant person, but i am at my freaking limit with this.

P:You're the person who's ever been there for me the only 1 who can suffer through my mistakes the only person who won't judge me for my mistakes nothing could replace you in my life honestly i look up to you i want to be as strong as you i love you...i'm sorry i'll go.

I want to end this on a happy note, but my happy is quickly running out. I really like Madison. I hope he doesn't like Gabby. We talk a lot, and he often starts the conversation. But God with my luck even that tiny hope will be crushed soon enough.



Familiar breath of my old lies
Changed the color in my eyes
Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by

Sorrow lasts through this night
I'll take this piece of you
And hope for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me

Left alone with only reflections of the memory
To face the ugly girl that's smothering me
Sitting closer than my pain
He knew each tear before it came
Soon He will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by

Joy will come

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